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We can have the best of both world’s and that is when stories really land. A story with characters and drama, as well as facts and figures woven in land powerfully in hearts and minds.

A lot of our communication is underpinned by fear. We don’t want to get it wrong, have it turn out bad and be misunderstood. We are often scared about the consequences of bad communication.

A major symptom is long, rambling communication, trying to squeeze everything in, to convince people of our point. We take a scattergun approach, throwing a whole bunch of words at someone or some thing and hope it will land.

The word Edit comes from the same Latin root as education, edere, which means to bring forth. Wictionary has these wonderful sounding definitions of edere: 

1. be thou brought forth; be thou ejected, be thou discharged”
2. “be thou produced; be thou begotten”
3. “be thou published, be thou spread abroad”

Michelangelo defined sculpture as the art of “taking away” not that of “adding on”.

When scripting drama, you learn to “kill your darlings”.

Courageous editing of our communication and thinking can be life changing.
Three tips for great editing:

• like baking a great cake, let it rest a while before you cut it. 
• always use a ‘second pair of eyes’ and have someone read what you write
• check on your intention, ‘why’ you are telling your story – are you getting this message across? 

Ultimately, believe in your communication, and do not second guess the future, edit the ‘what if’ from your thinking.

There are two ways to tell simple compelling stories; the nature of people and the nature around us.

We can get really stuck trying to tell a story we think people will listen to. Sometimes it is the fear of the blank page, for others the brain freezes, and for some it is an endless series of false starts that are never good enough.

The minute we start to talk about a loved one, or our love of nature, we are engaged and engaging. We all have a relationship to nature, be it small or large, grand or tiny.

A walk to the letterbox story can be as compelling as one about climbing Mt Everest. A story about your grandchild or your grandmother can be as compelling as a huge business success you have achieved.

So here’s a story in the day in the life of myself and my grand daughter.

Yesterday I had one of the busiest days at work this year. My nearly-three year old grand daughter came to work with me. Well we had white board strategic planning sessions, creativity brainstorms, exploring out in the field, many servings of ‘tea’ from the water cooler. I am not at all sure who learned the most, and in fact who was the teacher and who was the student.

The number of activities and trail of devastation, or ‘creativity’ that a 3 year old can leave in their wake is astounding. And it wasn’t an 8-hour day, it was more like 4. If I padded it our, our activity for the day could fill a book. And there was humour, fear, laughter, tears, anger, frustration, excitement, surprise, boredom, hunger, and fatigue. We ran the gamete of just about every emotion and experience known to mankind. In four hours.

We walked down to Basque Park, a steep hill from my office, past a couple of abandoned lots, littered with broken beer bottles and graffiti.

“ Bloody mongrels,” mutters the three year old. We get to the park and a dead frond from a palm tree suddenly becomes an ‘alligator’s nose.” We are pretty sure he lives under the fountain and in the drains, but we don’t see him. Then it’s a piggyback ride up another steep hill to some more palm trees that have huge bunches of orange grape-like berries. I am now Warrior Grandpa and she is Warrior Princess. We are ready to take on the alligator at any moment if need be. The berries do look very edible, but we decide that they could be poisonous and have a game of catch with them instead. Then a woman with a three-month-old puppy called Baxter turns up. Granddaughter says she is getting a puppy and its name will be Rabbi and it will be black and white. There is a bit of a stand off with Baxter tho, a quiet observation of his exuberance. Back up the hill to the office, past the vacant lot, mumbles again about ‘bloody mongrels’ but we find some yellow daisies in the weeds, which we pick to take home for Mum.

And in the office it is time for another white board session. There are sketches of a number of snails and snakes, the symbolism I am not entirely sure about, as well as a lot of ABCs, and many more ‘cups of tea’ from the water cooler. At one point during the white board session, somewhat exhausted, I nearly nod off. This is not good enough, but then we have a sleeping and snoring game, that morphs into hide and seek with eyes closed. Then it is time for a quick You Tube clip or two on the iPad set up beside my laptop. We check out Dora and Diego clips and a regular favourite, The Gingerbread Man.

I have omitted to say that by this stage there are also sheets of flip chart paper carpeting the floor with more elaborate sketches in permanent marker, which I discreetly swap for water based. It is always the permanent marker that is the favourite, why is that?

Time to go to the café for food. She orders cheesecake; Mum and I have fries, lasagna and a filo wrap. And of course the cheesecake arrives first. Half way through it the lasagna turns up so her plate becomes a mix of cheesecake and lasagna, interesting sweet and sour concoction.

Anyway its time to go back to work. This time, ‘someone’ else is starting to get tired. A recce to retrieve peanuts that fall under the desk elicit a bumped head and a few tears. Time for another ‘cup of tea’ from the water cooler. And another whiteboard session in the board room. Now we have a wonderful mosaic right across the white board, that would do the hieroglyphics of Egyptian tombs proud.

It is time to go. So I pack up the room, with some help here and there, but get into very big trouble when the now rather wilting daisies are retrieved from the rubbish tin. I get some Clingfilm, and wrap them to take home. Shoes, tights, and various other garments and bits and pieces are retrieved from the four corners of the office. The white board session is erased. This is fun. We didn’t keep a record, but we know what was important that we covered off.

 So it’s a drive to drop off grand daughter and Mum, car seat, bags etc. all off loaded, I get home and find a rather crushed wilted and sadly abandoned bunch of daises in the back of the car. Living in the moment? That’s an understatement.

Now more than ever before the world needs deeper meaning FULL stories.

 The idea of Story3 is to challenge ourselves to share stories with breadth, depth and just the right length. The symmetry of three comes up for us in many worlds; the world of science, of culture and symbol and of art. I call the pattern SAS, Science, Art and Spirit.

The greatest stories have all these elements, they appeal to the logic, the emotion and the primal instincts in us all. I have read again a great speech from Martin Luther King about the three dimensions of a great life. He talks about building our values through the breadth, the depth and the length of the life we live.

 For Maori, the indigenous people of the land where I am from, patterns of three are important in symbol, the spoken word, and in actions. It has a balance. there is to three, in the spoken word, the tricolon. Great speakers such as Martin Luther King, as President Obama have used this rhythm to communicate powerful stories.

It is a pattern that is easy for us.  In navigation, triangulation is used to work out where you are, three points to anchor your position. 

Stories help us find where we are, give us a place and a connection.  And the greatest stories often have three parts to them, at a simple level, a beginning a middle and an end. There is always a journey in these stories, through good times and bad. We need to have the dark and the light in stories, that is how we learn. And so in a time where there is more media to communicate than ever before in our history, more glossed over content and doom and gloom content, we need our stories to be clear, to stand out, and to have an integrity. And that are clearly shared in service of others.

Every day we all consume and share stories. Sometimes wordlessly, sometimes with great verbose gusto.

In this audio interview, I talk about how we are hardwired for story, to learn, to grow, to act.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BpZiO80eWwM&w=560&h=315]
To register for the Story to the Power of 3 workshop, email: info@spoke.co.nz

Nothing gets the juices going for a great many people than a ‘kiss and tell’ story. High profile, actors, musicians, politicians are hounded by journalists and paparazzi hunting behind the scenes stories, photos and videos.

We some how crave to know the ‘real story.’ It’s the same with reality shows, the out takes at the end of movies, and the ‘making of’ docos.

My take on ‘outtakes and ‘mistakes’ is that we know every one is fallible. Heroes always have flaws, that is part of what makes them a hero. Their journey, through good and bad.

My latest workshop, Busting Boring Bios, is all about building a compelling personal brand.

What are our real stories, warts and all? What are the blunders, and misfortunes as well as the successes and breakthroughs ? Who are we after hours as well as work?

I had the pleasure of speaking at a conference run by a world expert on building profiles in social media, Michael Margolis from Get Storied in New York. Here he talks about how important it is to have a good bio.[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3Z-irPK9zI&w=560&h=315]

In our media savvy and saturated world, light weight, and write by numbers profiles no longer cut it. Everyone says they are ‘passionate’ about something. Everyone has ‘leadership’ skills. The cliches long used in CVs are today are real turn off. To stand out, be who you say you are, and craft the stories of your points of difference are becoming a critical skill in business.

The next Busting Boring Bios workshop is on April 3. To register, email: info@spoke.co.nz

It amazes me how we get so fixated on quantity over quality. I reckon we have a fear of quality; being able to produce it, or being deserving enough to receive it.

Somehow we justify our existence by doing more, and make it seem that the quantity of our work is of greater value. And then I think of a Swiss Army knife. The one with 20 + gadgets seems impressive, but it is the one with only one blade that I use over and over again. It is half rusty, after a fishing trip where it was the only knife we had, and now sits on my key ring and is always at hand.

We take the same attitude into the stories we tell; the stories about ourselves, our work and our lives. We think the more we bombard people with information and stuff, the better the story.

I still catch myself doing this, even after years of working in the radio industry creating very short sound bites, often only 5 to 7 second long.

Today it is a ‘must’ to have a public profile in social media, and so it has become critical that we learn to tell our stories in a short space; short and sweet.

Think of a great soup or a great sauce in cooking. The tastiest are rendered down to their essence. So too, with stories. In film script writing they call it ‘killing your darlings’ where you have to get ready with the razor and take out any fat in your story, even if it is a piece you really love.

Take a hard look at your stories. What is critical to it making sense? What can you really do without. If you find it hard to self edit, work with a trusted friend or colleague, someone you know can be blunt and ‘to the point’ .

I find it funny how sometimes the “Making Of’ movies can end up more interesting than a movie itself.

We always love to watch the ‘directors cut’, the outtakes, the ‘unauthorised’ version of a story.

We crave the authentic, the uncut version, the real oil. So why is that?

I think we’ve become a little bit too clever for our own good. We can craft stories in any medium, and manipulate how they look and feel. We can package reality any way we want.

But it is the ‘backstory’, without the gloss and polish that we often long remember.

Throughout my career as a radio journalist and documentary maker, the best stories in an interview would often be told after the microphone was turned off. People would be naturally cautious or perform while being recorded, but at their ease talking ‘off the record ‘.

The greatest documentary makers have people so much at ease, they are themselves as if the interviewer or camera isn’t there.

We love those ‘fly on the wall’ documentaries and reality TV shows because we consider it’s the real thing.

It is time we all totally merged, integrated ourselves in our personal and professional lives, and got brave about telling the good, the bad, and the ugly of what is really going on.

If we own the ‘backstory’ of our lives and work, the mistakes, the fears, the uncertainties, then we will build trust, higher performing teams and greater communities.

If we own and tell our backstory, who we are on and off the record, we have nothing left to hide and we can engage and work with others without any baggage or anything hidden.

We are surrounded by the ‘social’ media of our times. Bringing backstory to social media is what it is all about. People don’t want stories that are all gloss or all gloom.

So stop and think about some of the biggest mistakes or challenges of your life. What did you learn? Tell stories about your journey, your weaknesses as well as your strengths.

It might take a little courage, but anything worth learning in life requires a little discomfort.

Owning and telling your backstory just might be the pathway to the happiness and success in life you desire.

The first time I faced a big audience I bombed.

Not only did I bomb, but I threw in the towel and totally gave up.

It was a high school election for student president.

After fumbling the mic on the mic stand, I froze, and then told the audience to vote for the other candidate.

It was the most humiliating moment of my life.

I will never forget the sea of expectant faces, friends, enemies, waiting for me to rock the house. It never happened.

I had enrolled all the ‘cool kids’ around the school with talk of a campaign to allow smoking and hopefully alcohol in the common room for seniors. As if that was ever going to happen. It was the first time a ‘non-nerd’ had given the leadership a crack.

So the day of the assembly of 600 or so students, I had not prepared a single word, a single policy, a joke, a one liner, or anything. I thought I would wing it.

Big, big mistake.

So fast forward 18 months. I am broadcasting live to the country on nationwide radio about a major shipwreck off the Wellington Harbour.

I’ve been airlifted in by helicopter, staying in a lighthouse, and reporting on the rescue and salvage attempts. Experienced reporters have struggled. I won’t give up. I stake out the beach in horrendous weather, waiting for the ace salvage expert to be winched down to the beach, some hardy old guy from Singapore called Red. I get an exclusive interview.

I went on to a successful career as a radio journalist. I was never lost for words. I had written, on paper, or in my head, every script. That became a pattern for my professional career.

But it has been a two edged sword. As I shifted career in my 30s and engaged in a whole range of adventures and personal development opportunities, I started to see how constant dry runs of every interaction I had was spoiling spontaneity and being present.

What a dilemma.

Now as I have hit the wonderful milestone of turning 50, I am developing ‘being in the zone’; where I am prepared, spontaneous and present. It’s a great place to be, and highly effective.

So this is my story. It can be my bio. It can be my blurb, with a bit of an edit. It is totally me, I can own every sentence of it. And drill down into the varied learnings, and opportunities.

Is it a Blab, or Blah Blah Blah?

I don’t think so.

It’s genuine and authentic. It rings true. And people remember it.

The point of this story is the contrasts and the journey from failure to success. There are potentially many levels to this story. And there are chapters that can be teased out.

This has all become part of my life story. Getting your story straight, the good, the bad and the ugly, the personal and the professional is going to be critical in 2012. With social media everywhere, there is no place left to hide.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?